i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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