At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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