i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
