a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
