You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
