1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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