She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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