what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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