I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
