I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
