I hate all girls vehemently.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
