It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
