I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
