Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
