I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
