Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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