After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
