I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
