I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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