I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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