You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Come on in and take your pants off
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