Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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