I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
