I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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