so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
