Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
