and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
