im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
