She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
