FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
