it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
