i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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