meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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