having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
