im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
