I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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