he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Pants are for mortals
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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