Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
