my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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