two words: eviction party
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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