The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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