glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
