Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
