just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
