so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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