So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
