yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
