i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
