Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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