i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
