you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Im part way to drunk.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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