i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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