I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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