New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
