I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Randomize
